Dana Carvey

Pistachio Disguisey

Brent Spiner

Devlin Bowman

Jennifer Esposito

Jennifer Baker

Harold Gould

Grandfather Disguisey

James Brolin

Fabbrizio Disguisey

Austin Wolff

Barney Baker

Edie McClurg

Mother Disguisey

Maria Canals-Barrera

Sophia (as Maria Canals)

Robert Machray

Texas Man

Michael Bailey Smith

Henchman

Rachel Lederman

Texas Wife

Mark Devine

Trent

Kenan Thompson

Kenan

Jay Johnston

Rex

Jessica Simpson

Jessica Simpson

Jessica Lee Keller

Group Dancer

Vincent Riverside

Henchman

Mark Ginther

Henchman

Carrick O'Quinn

Henchman

Mitch Silpa

Henchman

Virginia Hawkins

Interview Woman

Jonathan Loughran

Security Guard

Ted Rooney

Security Guard

Brandon Molale

Doorman

Erick Avari

Cigar Maker

Phil Jones

Businessman

Michael DeLuise

Businessman

Larry Cedar

Businessman

Andrew Shaifer

Liberty Bell Security Guard

Vincent Castellanos

Art Dealer

Roger Mussenden

Waiter

Al Goto

Ninja Warrior

Simon Rhee

Ninja Warrior

Kevin Nealon

White Collar Executive

Bill Cho Lee

Mongolian Elder

Chao-Li Chi

Mongolian

Steve Gormley

German Businessman

Christel Smith

German Businesswoman

Ava Metz

Another German

Bo Derek

Herself

Barry Bernardi

Bernardo

Brian Catalano

Italian Officer

Gabriel Pimentel

Boxing Dummy

Martha Del Rio

Puerto Rican Housekeeper

Guelmarí Oppenheimer

Waitress

Tracy E. Wilson

Female Partygoer

Patricia De Leon

Waitress

Phil Fischer

Bully

Steven Hack

Chemistry Teacher

Dane Morris

Young Pistachio

Bryan Jeffrey Price

Jock

Andy Morrow

Captain America Kid

Naya Rivera

Captain America Kid

Julius Ritter

Captain America Kid

Brighton Hertford

Captain America Kid

Sandra Lindquist

Bartender

Eugene C. Palmer

Chef

Leland Crooke

Appraiser

Mike Johnson

Constitution Security Guard

Michael Lee Phillips Jr.

Constitution Security Guard

Buddy Bolton

Abe Lincoln

Stuart Quan

Ninja

Spencer Sano

Ninja

Hiro Koda

Ninja

Johnny Nguyen

Ninja

Yoshio Iizuka

Ninja

Ronn Surels

Ninja

Andy Cheng

Ninja

Steven Ho

Ninja

Tony Wilde

Doug

Berglind Icey

Big Bottom Girl

Leasi Andrews

Big Bottom Girl

Anna Marie Goddard

Big Bottom Girl

Theresa Madelin Lin

Big Bottom Girl

Adrian Armas

Group Dancer

Gustavo Vargas

Group Dancer

Paul Benshoof

Group Dancer

Oscar Orosco

Group Dancer

Andrea Bogart

Group Dancer

Paulette Maxwell

Group Dancer

Paula Abdul

Choreographer (uncredited)

Lisa Foiles

Lisa (uncredited)

Jesse V. Johnson

Thief (uncredited)

Shane Lyons

Shane (uncredited)

Michael Johnson

Himself

Cole Sprouse

Young Pistachio

Dylan Sprouse

Young Pistachio

Jesse Ventura

Self (uncredited)